Change

Change. why is it so hard these days?
My heart aches. Really bad
Why do I keep falling down, making mistakes?

I screwed up. I got it
But why is it so hard for me to get up like I always do
I'm hurt. My heart must be thorn into pieces. So did I thought
But even if it did, I will still feel the pain
Now, even the pain is not there
All left is the feeling of anger and frustration.
My heart is not wounded. It becomes hard and cold. Like stone or ice.

I'm losing hope. I'm losing the grip
The worst part is I just keep watching myself do so. Not even trying.

I watched movies. They are like fairy tales.I yearn for my life to be one
Though I know, a tale is just a tale
The thing is, I need to grow up
Face the reality

I thought I've found myself, but I'm wrong
I'm still struggling to find a purpose of living
I had one before. I thought it was it. I thought I had hold on to it strong
Again,I was wrong.

I want to run away. But I know I'm not a coward
I want to face all the problems. But is my heart able to face it too?

For now, all I want to do is find a purpose back
Allah. HE is always there though sometimes I don't feel it
I know HE has all the answers.
I just need to work hard to get it

Have faith girl.

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love..sarangheyo:)

"I just don't get this couple thingy. well, I did it too back then but I realize it's really useless.there's no point whatsoever"

"take a chill pill girl..loving someone is not a crime"

"did I say so?"

"errr..no"

"I just think it is a waste of time.sure, waking up in morning with sweet messages in your inbox really makes your heart skip a beat. but..are we that easy to get?btw who knows how long it will last. I did went through that phase and I swear I was an idiot

"we are teens. sometimes we ended up doing stupid things. couple is just a small matter dear. don't take it too hard. cherish the moment of being in love, every teenage girl deserves to be happy and appreciated"

"wrong. we are muslim teens.that makes us different."

okayy,,it's in the middle of the night and I cant sleep so I have a feeling of writing something
and..suddenly this thing called love popped into my mind..random as usual:)


moment of truth. everybody, who is normal falls in love at least once in their life. i did, twice.i'm the kind of person that hardly falls in love with anybody but when I do.uh-oh. big trouble
nobody says that falling in love is a crime but how you deal with that feeling that makes the difference.

couple?that's a cliche topic to debate about.but, certainly it is not for me.people normally ask me why?a big why.why do I care so much?why do I refrain myself when others are enjoying their love life?
my answer is simple. because the one that loves me the best says I should not. Allah says I should not.
"La taqrabuzina"says the Lord in the holy Quran. Don't go near it. poeple debate how couple is not near to zina.

come on guys. don't lie to yourselves. we are not just talking about 'that' zina. our eyes, ears n etc should not go near it too. we should not look at that handsome face before we can legally do so. we can't listen to the voice that melt our hearts before the akad is done.

I have thousands other reasons and some of them are:
- girls that are easy to get are easy to forget
- I have thousands better things to do
- only one guy is worth it
- can i say..nisa' (girls) are just too special?
- I have not yet love HIM perfectly
- youth is not ti me to play around. we got bigger mission
- i will not die without a boyfriend
- couple is not a guarantee for a marriage
- angels in the heaven are way better looking :D
- it won't be fair to my future husband (whoever that is :P)
- muslimah..should be loved by those who put his love towards Allah above anything else,and those  who are willing to enjoy love life before marriage are not good candidates:)

there you go!that just a part of it.haha.no offense to anybody

I won't say it is easy to refrain but once you get your principles right, it is easier.
I won't say it does not hurt to leave a guy who loves you back because I too, shed lots of tears. but. it is worth it.
I can't say you must do it now.but gradually.

girls, it hurts, I know. I've been there but time really do heals the pain. it is painful yet possible. you'll break at first.heart shattered to bits and pieces. you'll find it hard not to say "happy birthday" on the date that you always did. you'll feel lonely when he is not there anymore to listen and be your guardian angel anymore. you'll find it hard not to smile when you see him as he walk by. sometimes, you'll feel at lost.

during those times. remember this. Allah is there for you. HE loves you more than you know. HE knows what's best for you. believe in that and don't worry, one day u'll feel that comfort again. your future husband is somewhere out there. be strong.don't be afraid. take a chance to open your heart to believe in HIM. one day, you will understand the reason why. InsyaAllah

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Our hands are not ours

Our hands are not ours. Yet, we are given to use them. What we write today had been written in the Luh Mahfuz since forever. Yet, we're still struggling with 'if only i....' . The outcome of our blood, sweat and tears had been set, yet, we yearn for something better.

okayy..so what am I blabbering about actually? well, math test just now pop these statements in my mind. Random things keep popping into my head recently. What I want to say through the statements is our life had been set and the paths we took or about to take had been decided. So, why do we work hard anyway?

Because we know HE sees our effort not the outcome. We have different capabilities yet we are expected to excel in everything(that's how things go in IB). Some poeple just know how to juggle the numbers and some others just have 'superpowers' to remember words like deoxyribonucleoside triphosphate in just few  seconds. Saying this, definitely, the outcomes of what we do will be different.

But no worry. He sees our effort. And that is enough.
It's hard for me to actually not worry about people's expectation - or my own expectation actually.
At times, I tend to forget how this world is temporary. How IB is not forever. How exams doesn't change how you are. How results are not the definition how amazing you can be. That's because we are still clinging to the rope of dunya' that is just a drop of water in the ocean. Ironic much, but still, the truth.

Allah will repay our effort equally. He always did and will always will. Believe it.
So don't regret your mistakes. It happened for a reason. HE said so.Though sometimes we yearn to know why. Just believe. It'll make a difference.

Life is too precious to be waking up with regrets. Don't you think so?

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Percaya dan yakin

One month and a half. That's how long I've left this blog unattended.
Mungkin kerana hati ini masih lagi terikat dengan dunia. Terlalu sibuk dengan dunia pelajar n KMB yg sbenarnya x berpenghujung. Knowing this fact, I can't help feeling sad.
Anyway..back to the topic

Percaya dan yakin. Both are forms of faith. But they are two things that are different but many people fail to realize it.Let's look into this story.

Ada seorg penembak handal yang meletakkan sebiji epal atas kepala anda dan menembaknya dengan tepat. Lalu, anda percaya dia seorang penembak yang handal. Kemudian, dia meletakkan sebiji epal buat kali kedua untuk ditembak. Namun, kali ini, dia akan menembak sambil matanya tertutup. Adakah anda yakin bahawa epal itu yang akan menjadi sasaranya dan bukan kepala anda? Sebentar tadi anda baru sahaja mengaku anda percaya dia seorg penembak yang handal. Sekarang pula anda tidak yakin dengannya?

That's the difference brothers n sisters.

2nd story.

One guy was climbing the mountain at night and suddenly he fell, so as his torchlight.The place was pitch black and he can only see using the torchlight of his gears. When he was falling, he thought he was going to die. However, suddenly, the rope(that people use for mountain climbing) stuck somewhere, leaving him hanging around, not able to see anything. Then he prayed to Allah

Allah, save me! You are the only one that can save me!

Then he heard a voice

Are u sure I can save u?

He answered  "of course You can. Who else can save me other than You my Lord!"

The voice asked again and he gave the same answer.
Then the voice said...."if u say so...then cut the rope..."

"cut the rope...."

The next day he was found dead, somehow, freezing, hanging tight to the rope and just 4 feet from the ground. If only he had cut the rope, he would be saved.

He said he was sure that Allah can save him. But why he didn't cut the rope?Why? He would have been saved.

Kerana dia hanya percaya. Dan tidak yakin padaNya.

How about us? 

Kita sekadar percaya? atau yakin?

Let us ponder

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It's everybody's war

Oh..life is not easy..at least not for muslims cause muslims just dont have the luxury to lead a layback life
and why is that?because jannah..is way..way expensive than anything we can imagine on earth. My life had been going up and down these few days( or is it my entire life?) huhu..but hey, everybody's life goes up and down so what's the sigh for?

ROQ. Rememberance of Al Quds. This entire week was on ROQ. I never thought of this as a deadly serious matter. I do know palastines are my brothers and sisters who are fighting for the sake of Islam. I cried when I watched their videos. I do care for them, or at least I thought I do..until..Allah showed me how little is my effort in 'caring' for them.

When you think their war is your war, only then you really do care for them. That's what I felt. It was as if Allah was telling me that. Those words hit me hard. Real, deal hard. For all this time, did I think it's my war?I hope I can say yes but the reality is..no. Not at all. If I really do think so, why would I sigh for all little things that went wrong in my life? Why didn't I remember them in every single of my prayer? Why didn't I find out about what's going on there?...that's for me to ponder

Listening to their stories rip my heart into pieces. There's a 10 years old kid who already memorized 20 juzuk of the holy Quran and he wanted to o fight at the border of Gaza, which is extremely dangerous. His mother objected but he was really determined that his mother said that he can do so with one condition. He must memorized the whole Quran first. Masya-Allah! We are talking about a 10 years old kid here! The bodyguards of the president must be a hafiz. The kids there recite the Quran as perfomance, not dancing nor singing. The people there lay out their sajdah the moment they heard the azan and pray, even by the street!. They never asked for money on street to those who go there to visit them and they don't act like beggars although they had not been eating for more than 3 days. That's the level of their dignity.

But..what hit me the most is that they will never run. ever. Because it is their fight. They believe in Allah. They believe it's a test. They believe in Allah's help. They don't ask for US or Japan or any big power on earth to help them. They only ask for Allah's help. One of the important people there was asked of what can muslims in other places do to help them and he said 'build real muslims in your own land and Islam will be once again glorified on earth.' How amazing.

This hadith of the prophet, Muhammad S.A.W proves to be right and can never be wrong..

Sentiasa akan ada sekelompok dari umatku yang sentiasa berjuang bersama2 kebenaran, mencabar dan menentang musuh2 mereka. Musuh2 mereka tidak dapat memberi mudarat kepada mereka sehingga Allah mendatangkan keputusannya.Mereka tetap dalam keadaan demikian.” Maka para sahabat bertanya,”Dimanakah mereka?” Jawab Rasulullah.” Di Baitul Maqdis dan sekitarnya”

*sorry cant find the english translation

They'll continue to fight for Islam, until they win. If it takes forever, then forever it will be.
How about us?
We shall all fight. In our own ways. If studying it is, then studying it would be. Until the time comes when we all taste the sweetness of a victory. In jannah. InsyaAllah.

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ramadhan, raya & stuff

First thing first. Ramadhan had gone by this year. taqaballahu minna wa minkum:)
I have to admit. it's not the best so far but I think it changes me to a better me.a lot actually.

Next is raya!! (is the exclamation mark necessary?haha)
I hope that everybody had a happy eid although i didn't. no need for the explanation.

My mind has not been in a stable conditon lately. Especially after raya n so on. That's why I didn't write any posts before. I'm afraid I'll be writing unnecessary things n thoughts. This post doesn't have a specific title because there are so many things inside my head right now.  I'm pretty down, under the weather actually. But I know this is a test. I know it. But it is not an easy one for me because I've never failed before.But just a few days ago I nearly did. I used to be pretty good in my class but now i'm just an average.It takes me a lot of effort to accept this reality as it hurts me more than anything. I love to study.I really do. I just can't fail because I'm a muslim and muslims just don't fail. That's what I thought. But actually, through this failure, Allah actually answered one of my dua'.

Allah, I know I am a muslim with iman, different from those who don't. I know I have the knowledge of Islam that not everybody have. I realize I had been and is still in the process of tarbiyah which not many go through. And I know I am on the right direction. I never think of this but Allah, I'm afraid that I might boast about those things. I might think highly of myself. I might think I'm better than the others so please guide me Ya Raheem, always remind me that I'm just your slave that had been given so many ni'mah. Everything that I know and everything that I am comes from You. You may take it away anytime you want. Don't make me think that I'm better than the others. So Allah, do remind me that.

And today, the dua' is answered. Amin..

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Tarbiyah

Oh.beza rupanya berada bersama dgn mereka yg mempunyai tarbiyah. hari ini, baruku sedar akan hakikat itu

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